It's My Botty And I'll Cry If I Want To
by LauranTheBiscotti
Summary: Gee has to decide between Mas or Dave, but before she can,she has alot of growing up to do...and she may not choose either of them if things keep going as they do ! Warning -a LONG Gee/Dave vs Gee/Masimo but worth it in the end LEAVE it ! . Please R
1. Chapter 1

Hello everyone, this is a public announcement and apology for posting SO much on ONE DAY.

I write,plan,etc everything out FIRST before I write the story, and then I write the story.

So...yeah,I have about 12 stories on my hard drive.

It's taking up 713KB and so I only have...5% more space on my 1.6 GB hard drive...and I did NOT want to destroy it so...er...yeah sorry again my stupid computer is a POS (well,it IS Windows!) and tries to crash,etc and I am terrified I'll lose EVERYTHING...again ~!

So ,once again,I am sorry for the MASSIVE overload of stories and so on.

**I do NOT own **** Georgia Nicolson,Masimo-Stupid-Scarlotti or Dave the Laugh, and so on...Louise Rennison does !**

**But the plot is my own :)**

**er,,,r?r?...maybe?**

**SORRY EVERYONE**

**IT WAS THIS OR...LOSE EVERYTHING !**


	2. Slim And Her Merry Band of Lesbians

After SITNOP...Gee and Dave

**MERRY BANDS OF LESBIANS**

**Tuesday,September 21st**

**7:30am**

Back to school I might as well 's not aas if my BOYFRIEND would call me all bloody week.

Because he didn't.

Just because I do the twist with my best pally (who happens to be the bloke by the way, and a mad one at that).

It's not as if we were snogging (again).

Or even nip libbling !

**2 Minutes Later**

See,there I go.I only have to think about him and I get whatsit-internal dyslexia.

I meant LIP NIBBLING.

But what was I saying before I so rudely interupted myself?

**10 Minutes Later**

Oh yes,no one has called all week, not even my yummy scumboes and scrummy yumboes Italian Sex God boyfriend.

**5 Seconds Later**

Or Dave.

Not that I care if Dave calls me or not.

don't think..

All I do know is that I am going to die alone, an old maid, never having even gotten past #6 on the snogging scale (kiss for over five minutes with out stopping,with tongues).

Tres sad.

I don't blame myself,though,I blame the 're the one who gets to decided who lives how 's what Miss Wilson told us in R.E. last week, that that's what the Greeks believed.

So I might as well be an old maid that's a swot.

Like my other besty,Jas (who IS a girl, though highly questionable at times).

**10 Seconds Later**

But minus Tom Jennings -her veggie-loving boyfriend,gorgey in his own way,but not at all like his sex goddy older brother Robbie,who I dated for a long time.

**5 Seconds Later**

OK, not even a year, and he kept cheating on me with the beastliest of wet weeds,Wet Lindsay, and he dumped me to go live with the Maoris and the..er, whatever else lives in New Zealand.

But DID date!

At any rate,I am goinig to end up exactly like Jas, except for the wearing-ginormous-granny-knickers bit,having a vegetable for a boyfriend (I'm going to die alone,remember) and you will NEVER catch me going on 'nature walks', being 'interested in things."... like voles.

And owls.

Erlack !

**5 Minutes Even Further**

So I really won't be at all like Jas then,thank GOD.

And it's just as well-she does wear granny knickers,size extra-extra large.

I know, I've seen them.I'm pretty sure everyone on her street wears shortest skirts known to humanity,which don't half cover her knickers when she bends over to look at owl poo or an interesting leaf or some other crap nature ..thing.

Which she does, aLOT.

**35 Minutes Later**

Met Jas at her' was sitting on the gate and you could see up her skirt,not that I wanted to.

Because I don't.

Anyways, she was wearing the biggest pink and white polka dot knickers ever known to man or elephant.

"Where on Earth did you get your knickers?P.T. Barnum?"

She didn't get mad just smiled and said "So Masimo's not rung,then?" knowing of course he HASN' I didn't give her the satisfaction of letting her know that I know she knows.I just walked on in a dignity-at-all-times way.

**10 Minutes Later**

As we got to the school gates, Jas puffing behind (she has really got to slow down on the midget gems),I saw Dave.

He was leaning against a wall,watching as stupid giggly first formers he was purposely standing so they HAD to pass him to get into Latimer and Ringley,aka my school,aka Hell.

A bunch of first formers ran by, then stopped and glanced back at winked and they all squealed and ran into the school.

Tarts.

He shook his head and laughed.

Lordy, he's got a sexy laugh.

And a sexy smile .

And sexy teeth.

Uh-oh my mind has decided to go on holiday with out me again.

Dave saw me and came over to walk with me and Jas.

"Georgia,why are you staring at me like you want to eat my shirt off my,gorgey I must say,back,and why do you look like you have a stick up your arse?Has Loverboy not called?"

I opened my mouth for a witty reply,but I couldn't think of any so I turned and went through the school gates.

As I stalked off I heard him call "I'm sorry my gorgeousness has yet again struck you silent,in the awe of being in my presence!"

Huhpmh.

**Assembly**

Got into line with the rest of the Ace Gang, but between Ellen and Rosie,risking the beards and madness that is Rosie,instead of my usual place on the end next to Jas,but Jas came and got in next to Ellen.

"Why did you run off like that?"

I ignored her and tried to concentrate on morning prayers. But Jas kept on.

"We were just having a if you'd stay you wouldn't've missed seeing Masimo." .

I sniffed.

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, forget it." and she went back to her old place in line.

She only said that about seeing Masimo so I would talk to her again .But I'm not going to sink down to her level of volenosity.

**3 Minutes Later**

I can't stand it any longer !

Elbowed Rosie to switch me places.

At first she didn't get it, and said loudly "Oy,Nicolson,no matter how much you duff me up,I'm not going to snog you !"

I had to hit her over the head with my rucksack about 10 times untill she (finally) got the idea and changed places with me.

As I settled on the pew,Jas looked over and smirked."I knew you couldn't handle the not knowing."

I ignored that though and asked "So Masimo did come by,then?What for?"  
"He was looking for you."

" did he look?"

"Gorgey,of course."

"Well,duh,he's an Italian he didn't look mad or like he was about to dump me?"

"I does someone look like when they're about to dump someone?"

"Sad, tired,full of heart breaknosity and merde."

"You WOULD 've got plenty of experiance in that department."

I could feel a good duffing up coming on, but then our elephantine headmistress came out of the closet (leave it) like a bull.

**Maths**

Who cares if a versed sine is one minus the degree of the angle of the cosine, when I am sitting here,dying from heart break?

**Break**

Brrrr-chilly! Sitting on the heaters but they're not working well.

I'd bet a million pounds (if I had it) that the groundskeeper who is about 500 million years old and we call Elvis ever since he pulled his back dancing,he must have turned down the thermostat again.

So we're all sitting tightly bunched together on one heater.

Jas came and sat next to me, but I shoved her .

Typically,she went off in her huffmobile.

Rosie said "Why is there the proverbial stick in thee PANTS,mon pali?"

"Because I've officialy left the Cakeshop of Lurrrve and remain cakeless."

"Hmm,one bush in the hand is better than two in the PANTS" and we all set off laughing like loons.

Wet Lindsay,head of Slim's Nazi Youth Patrol,aka the Prefects,passed by at that moment and gave us evils, but she couldn't say we were doing anything wrong, so she just said "Stop being so loud, 'll disrupt the uppers." and walked on to terroize the under-forms.

I said "She has a stick in her upper PANTS." and everyone laughed.

**15 Minutes Later**

It's Dave's fault,this PANTS business.

Latimer and Ringley and er,Dave's school team up for school plays, and last year, to pass the boredom backstage,Dave started this busness of substituting words in songs or poems or whatever for PANTS.

Like "The hills are alive with the sound of PANTS".

And "...From her PANTS,untimely ripped." by the great William ShakesPANTS.

**Sports**

We've started a new term in sports and a new term means new ,horrible ways to torture us even further.

Today,it's swords that are to small to do any proper damage but excellent for swatting people on the bum with.

Add P. Green and epee spells death.

Hahaha,get it,epee ,e-p,get it,get-oh,never mind.

**10 Minutes Later**

Slim is heading sports as the usual is out waxing her moustache.

As Slim walked down the line picking people to be partners I tried to get Jas to change me places next to P. Green, but Slim spotted me and stuck me with P. Green.

And what's worse, she can't wear her glasses because her Mum's afraid she'll break them. So now she's blind as a bat.

I told Jas "In my will,I leave everything to you."

Jas looked it may have been jabbed her with her sword.

**15 Minutes Later**

You have to admit, this is fairly I have to do is hold perfectly still and P. Green can't see as she blunders around swinging wildly I can chat with my mates as long as I watch doesn't come too close.

I feel sorry for Honor,she got Rosie as partner.

Rosie is a blur in fur she's moving so fast. Everytime she gets a hit she yells "_Spangelferkel_!" and "_Touche_!" .Quite sensationally mad.

**2 Minutes Later**

Was watching Honor run from Rosie across the five's court and didn't even notice Pamela untill she jabbed me in the felt like my bum was on fire.I jumped up and yelled

"My bumholio hasith been breachedeth!"

Slim turned white and actually ran to get some wrap.

I don't see how it can help.I've been stuck in the my leg.

**5 Minutes Later**

P. Green is being nice about the whole even carried me across the yard to the bench and set me down (after putting her glasses back on ,of course).

She ran off to get my water bottle as Slim and Elvis came stalking back.

"Oh, Hell,if I had known it was HER I wouldn't have come."

"That's just as maybe,Mr. are certified in first aid and the nurse is out with flu, so you're the first to turn to."

He grumbled a bit but said "Okay."

He pulled on his glasses and looked at me"She doesn't seem to be hurt."

"She got stabbed with an epee on er..backside."

Elvis turned quite red and straightened up."And what am I supposed to do?"  
"I need you to get ice packs to wrap around her to reduce her pain."

"She is a know, my back still gives me gyp from when she told me one of her little friends was on fire"

I smiled at him "You mean when you tripped over your own wheelbarrow?"

He turned red and I could tell he wanted to tell me off but he couldn't with Slim there.

"Am I going to do it here or what?"

"No, we've arranged 'll go to the nurse's station and you can tend to her there."

P. Green ran up with my water bottle."I can carry her!"

Slim patted her on the back."Thanks, Pamela, you're a good girl."

That made me flash back to her days as Nana the dog in the school's production of Peter Pan,but my butt was starting to throb so I just clamped my mouth over the -er.

Pamela lifted me off the bench and said "Right, ready?"

"Hold on" I crossed my legs so my knickers wouldn't show. "Right, whenever you are." and we went inside like a pervy lesbian parade.

As we went in I could see over P. Green's shoulder the Ace Gang pretend-snogging their hands.I flipped them two fingers as the door closed.

**Geogoggers**

Back in class and didn't miss a single .

Rosie asked "Did Slim massage your bum?"  
"No,ew, she just taped ice packs to some wrap and told me to put them in under my skirt and knickers."

"So no Lesbian love fests,then."

I threw my geoggogers book at her.

**30 Minutes Later **

News breaking News!

We just finished a unit on how different countries use animal...bits,like how the Native Americans used to kill a deer and stretch it's skin to make clothes, and use the deer's brains to rub it down,and now we're going to be spending the day at Lancaster Farms Thursday.

When told us,the class exploded in were so loud Miss Slim, who's about 100 and a Miss,which says alot in my books,jellied up from her offices to yell at us to "Shut up that noise you stupid girls."

The Ace Gang felt she should be properly commended for making it all the way up 2 flights of stairs in her shape (i.e. jelloid) so we shouted things like :"Hip hip hooray!" and "Three cheers for Miss Slim and her Merry Band of Lesbians!" untill she started to threaten us with the usual beheadings and reprimands.

**Physics**

Herr Kamyer is giving me the major droop was going on about something about gravity, and mentioned falling bodies.I raised my both my arms with the hands flopping over, for an orangutang effect .

He looked suprised ."Uhm,ja,Georgia?"  
"Is falling bodies like when a girl's breasty business gets too heavy and gravity makes them droop to the floor?"

Herr Kamyer didn't act like he know what I was talking about,and kept on the lesson.

I wonder if he'd notice if I waxed my legs?They ae in the in-between stage right now.

In between normal girl and hairy orangutang gene .

**3pm,Lower Loos.**

I am in a sever state of nervousness that Masimo might be at the gates after school lets out that I am 'forced' to skip R.E. to do emergency makeup work.

I was going to go alone, as it would look less suspicious this way than half the class gone, but then Jas spotted me heading to the first floor, and threatened to tell Hawkeye on me,and I gave her a Chinese burn and made her promise not to tell and all,but she still went on about how it's "not good for the learning processes to miss out on a single class" and "truancy leads to lazyness." God, on and ON.

I said "You need more of the fer-de-lance and less midget gems." and she just looked at me and said "What does snakes have to do with this?Anyways, you're not really going to play hooky are you?"

She's worserer than my mother. So you see,I was sort of forced to bring her along to shut her up, as she'd be skipping out too and saying anything about playing hooky would be no one likes someone that's...whatever that is.

Plus I forgot my lip gloss and she just bought some watermelon-flavoured lip gloss that she hasn't used yet that I want to try out before I spend money on it myself.

**3.10pm**

Got my hair up in all I've got left is makeup to do.

And maybe I should change out of my uniform, or at least make it look more stylish and remind him less that I still have to go to school 5 days a week.

"What do you think,Jas?Should I change or no?"  
She was sitting on the sink sideways,pouting into the mirror.

Who ever told her that she looks a bit like Claudia Schiffer must die.

And be blind.

"I don't know why you go through so much trying to impress a boy ."

"You wear makeup on your ramblings with Tom."

"But only a ,he says he likes me says he can see the real me beyond the superficial ."

"And you're saying I am superficial?"  
She stopped pouting long enough to look at me and say "Gee, you go through 2 tubes of lippy a month trying to impress a bloke who's totally out of your league." then she started pounting in the mirror again.

"When you say he can see beyond the superficial to the real you, do you mean even beyond that ginormous lurker on your chin?".

She leaned in closer to the mirror to see better. "What lurker?"

I turned the cold water on full blast and made a run for it.

**3.15pm**

Oh mygod,ohmygod,I can't breath!

I am out of breath from running up 3 flights of stairs, and from trying to laugh with out actually breathing.I think I may have punctured a lung.

That was a mean thing to do,especially as she was wearing a white shirt and it's vair vair nippy noodles out, but she deserved it,implying I'm not good enough for Masimo.

Who does she think is?

If she thinks she is any way like Claudie-stupid-Schiffer ,she has defiently lost it.

**20 Seconds Later**

Not that she ever had 'it' to begin with.

**3.25pm**

Bloody hell,I was just about to walk out the doors when I remembered I had the rollers in.

That would have been horrific!

**3.30pm**

Right, hair, 8 out of 10 on the bouncibility scale, for makeup I went with the just-tumbled-out-of-bed look with a hint of glamour, meaning light foundation,light concealer, light blush, dark eyeliner, medium eyeshadow,nude-coloured lippy with shiny lip gloss, and extra lashings of mascara, like I fell asleep with makeup on and some of it wore off, but not all over my face and minus the racoon rings.

Took off my tie and beret, stashed it in my rucky,and now all I have to do is re-tuck my shirt,'accidentally' leaving the first 2..or 3 buttons undone for a hint of nunga-nungas without being a full-on tart...and I'm ready !


	3. Sdog Nogs

**CHAPTER 2: SDOG NOGS**

**Tuesday,September 21st**

**3.45p**

Masimo was at the school gate, on his bike, watching girls as they streamed by him,doing hip-hip and hip-hip-flicky.

He looks sooo gorgey and yummy.I could eat him 's a fabby snogger.

He doesn't do it at the same pressure like boys here do,but he does it with varying must be a foreign thing, because Rosie says her Swedenland boyfriend,Sven,does the same thing.

But he eats and snogs at the same time so I don't think it counts.

But Masimo snogs me even after I eat garlic bread or pizza. He is truly a sdog nogs.

**5 Minutes Later**

'Sdog nogs"?

What on Earth am I talking about?

Even thinking about snogging him gives me stupid brain.

What I MEANT to say was that he's truly a SNOG GOD.

**3.55p**

Masimo must have felt me looking at him,like a magentic sex goddy-pull because he looked over right at me,smiled and waved for me to come over.

Cor,even the way he waves is sexy.

I think I've got Cosmic Horn vair vair badly.

**4p**

I crossed the schoolyard managing not to trip over myself,to him, doing hip-hip but not doing flicky hair-I just got it out of rollers and I want him to get see me in full gorgeousnosity before I ruin it by putting the bike helmet on.

He gave me a little kiss on the cheek then helped me on his bike,got on in front of me and drove me to the park.

When he stopped his bike,he switched it off then came round to help me he put his hands around my waist and lifted me off the bike it flt like a little electric shock, like the time Libby dropped her electronic Dora The Explorer toothbrush in the tub when I was taking a bath one Masimo didn't seem to just took my hand and led me to a park bench.

My first thought was "Oh, we're going to have a picnic, how , as they say in Italy, romantico." but then I realised he didn't have a basket and he just wanted to sit and talk,face-to-face,instead.

He didn't really say anything at just sat there and looked at me with his gorgey yellowish eyes (what else would he be looking at me with,his elbows?Which are quite sexy too,by the way) for the longest time and ran his fingers through his hair.

I could feel my insides quiver, like I was filled with Jell-O.

I could quite literally feel my red bottom rising. I had to resist a strong urge to leap on him there and snog him within an inch of his life, but then he spoke.

"So,Miss Georgia."

I was tempted to say 'So what?' but Mum and Vati say that it's rude so I just smiled at him with my tongue behind my top teeth,like models do.

"We must have a little talk,yes?"

"_Oui_." Oh no, why was I speaking French? I must get ahold of myself. And not like the way I want to get a hold of Masimo, and throw him down on the ground and...uhoh,did he say something?I am afraid my brain has gone on holiday without me.

"Pardon?"

"I say,you and Dave, you just mates, yes?"

I nodded.I was afraid if I opened my mouth I'd say something like "Can I eat your shirt?" or start singing the Eric Clapton song, "Lady in Pants, When you look at me and smiled, you took my PANTS away."

Oh no, did I lose track of the conversation?What was he saying? I think he just asked me a question.

I smiled at Masimo as sexily as I could.

"You do like dance with him then?"  
"Well, yes, but only as mates in a ,er,mating sort of way." He raised an eyebrow at me.

Bloody Hell,why did I say 'mating' and not 'matey'?  
"it's not dancing it's..." I thought for a bit. "..well,yes it's dancing,but it's dancing, like mates would dance. Nothing even nip libbling."

"What is this-" he said something in Italiano "-nip libbling?"

I felt my face go beet root. I am in deep deep trouble, now, no matter how I say I was saved by Masimo asking another question.

"You have other mates, you do not dance with them I see."

"Well,they're girls and I'm not a lesbian like P. Green."

Masimo looked at me blankly.

"I ...see."

I doubted he I didn't and I'm the one that said it.

"I like you very much ,and I no want to lose you to some-" He waved his hands in the air and said something in Italian that sounded suspiciously like 'Bag Lover'-Laughter."

"Laughter?" What does that mean?Does he think I am going to run away with a clown?. Because I'm not. Big feet are not sexy,and I'm a bit scared of them,to tell the truth.

Clowns I mean,not big feet.

Masimo touched my face.I'm melting, I'm melting !

"You know-hawhaw" He laughed like a French can even make a Froggy laugh sound sexy.

Buddha help me not attack him here and now!

"Oh-you mean laugh, as in Dave the Laugh?"

"Why is he called that?I no understand,I see him all time, he not is he called this?He does no laugh."

"Well,he's called that because he is a,er, when instead of saying 'tatty bye' he says 'I'm off laughing on a fast camel.' or when he sings 'The hills are alive with the sound of PANTS !".

. I actually just sing that?

No wonder he won't go out with me in public must think I'm completely starkers.

But he didn't say just looked at oddly.

'Why are there hills in your pants?"

I had to swallow a laugh at that point.I pretended to have a coughing fit, and it worked becuase he reached over and patted me on the back.A bit roughly,actually...

"It's just a childish,really."  
"He acts childish, so you say he is a laughter?"

"Well,actually his mates at school call him Dave the Laugh.I just call him Dave."

I thought it best to leave out the fact that Dave calls me Sex Kitty.

I don't want another fisticuffs-at-dawn-incident on my hands again.

My answer seemed to satisfy Masimo ,because he smiled and said "So you two are just mates then?"

"Yes, as matey as,er,a pirate !" and I smiled back at him.

", there is something more I must ask you want go movie with me?"

"Just me and one else?"

"Just us two,_caro_."

"of course!"

"_Bonne_." and he leaned over and snogged me.

**6p,My Room**

After an hour of number-6-type snogging he took my hand and we walked back to his helped me get back on but this time,as he put my helmet on,he looked me in the eyes and whispered "_Bellisimo"_ and snogged me some more.

It was a good thing I was sitting down.I am pretty sure that if I wasn't,I would have fallen over exposing my knickers,and I couldn't remember which ones I had put on this morning.

After a quick bout of #3-type snogging he took me home.

After I gave him his spare helmet back, he said "You like go foreign films?"  
"Oh yeah,I watch them all of the time!"

He revved his bike.

Corrrrrr!

"That is good to my ears." He winked at me, and then drove off.

I wonder what he meant by foreign films?

Probably American.

I don't think any other countries really make movies.

But I better read up on my Parlo Italiano For Beginners just in case.

**6.30p**

Reading up on the beautiful Italian language of Lurrrve.

Mum knocked on the door and came in,without waiting for me to .

She sat on the bed next to me."What are you doing?"  
"Origami."

She read over my shoulder. "Parlo Italiano For Beginners?"

"Mmmm."

"Do you have another date with that yummy Italian boy this weekend?"

"Sunday night."

"If you ask me."

I rolled onto my side so I could see her."Fine, may I,Mum?"

"Yes,I suppose."

She stood up and side."He is only he were 3 years older."

I looked at her."That is disgusting.A woman your age shouldn't be talking like that."

She crossed her arms. "Oh,and what should a 'woman my age' be doing, knitting sweaters?"

I almost said yes but then I saw the look on her face and said quickly "I'm sorry Mum,really."

She went to the door way,stopped,and turned. "Well, if you're really that sorry why don't you show me how sorry you are by cleaning out the garage,hmm?" and went out.

Damn, trapped like a trapped...thing !


	4. Fungus Knickers

**FUNGUS KNICKERS**

**Thursday,September 23rd**

**7a**

Todays the day of the big field trip!

So of course I am up at the crack of coach leaves for the trip as soon as Assermbly starts, and I want to get a good seat so I have to be early.

All the teachers sit in front and I don't want to go through having to sit near Nauseating P. Green or Astonishingly Dim Monica any more than I already have to.

So if losing nearly an hour of beauty sleep means a chance to miss Slim's usual morning rant, I'm willing to make that sacrifice !

**7.45a**

Am cleansed and toned and in tip-top shape.I decided on a jean skirt,pink sparkle top,jean jacket and boots.

Time to meet the Ace Gang.

We've arranged to meet out front where the coach is going to be, to ensure the best spots in the back.

**7.50a,Waiting For The Coach**

The Gang's all here ! And it's a nightmare of rubberboots and cow prints.

Rosie had by far out-Looned her self, and that's saying something.

She was wearing black boots,cow-print skirt, white shirt,cow-print vest, a jean jacket and a beard.

"Howdy,partner."

I shook my head "And I thought you could go no madder-er."

She playfully shoved me and said "Shut your gob and get in line.I want a good seat,y'all."

**8a**

The coach is finally here,thank God,I think my bum is frozen.

I should have brought a blanket and pillow.

I was almost ready to complain to Slim about being forced to wait outside in sub-Arctic conditions when the coach screeched up and the door opened.

It was a mad dash to the coach to get warmed again.

A sort of Driver Elvis is the driver,made scarier by the fact he was wearing a pilot's hat.

Somewhere a plane just crashed because the madman they had hired decided to drive a bunch of schoolgirls to some poxy farm instead of flying their plane.

**2 Minutes Later**

As the Ace Gang walked down the aisle past the Elvis Driver, we saluted him,and he'd wave us on,untill he realized we were taking the mickey and he started shouting at us.

He only calmed down after Hawkeye came out and threatened to put him on first-former duty, which is the worst duty there is.

**3 Minutes Later**

Results! The Ace Gang has successfully taken over the back seats.

**2 Minutes Later**

Hahaha,Slim was still standing up trying to count heads to make sure we were all here,when Driver Elvis pulled from the curb, and Slim fell over into Driver Elvis' lap.

He got red round the ears as he tried to help her back up,but he kept grabbing bits of her,erm,body by mistake so he gave up and sat there while Slim righted herself.

Erlack.

**3 Minutes Later**

Good Lord, they got to #8-above the waist activity-before I have!

Told that to Jas and she made like she was going to be sick.

**5 Minutes Later**

Have to turn back round -we forgot ADM and P. Green.

I told Slim "Don't feel 's easily to forget them ,I do all the time." and she told ME not to be rude.

Huh.

I was just trying to help.

**2 Minutes Later,School...Again**

As P. Green and Monica got on the coach,I swear the coach lifted off ground a few centimeters.

Rosie grabbed her seat and yelled "Get doggies,it's a-gonna be a bumpy ride!"

**1 Minute Later**

Hahahahahahaha,Slim made Rosie come up and sit with P. Green the rest of the way!

I whispered to the rest of the Ace Gang "She would have made Rosie sit with her, but her arse alone already takes up one whole seat." and we got the evils for giggling.

**15 Minutes Later**

We're finally off !

We waved our berets and blew kisses and yelled "_Au Revoir!" _to the rest of the classes that were coming to the gates.

**15 Minutes Later**

Rosie is making the most of her punishment by doing Horn dancing everytime Slim's not ribs hurt from laughing.

**30 Minutes Later**

Jas was telling me about some naff Froggy-a-go-go-Land bloke named Jean Fabre who's obbsessed with bugs.I pretended to fall asleep but she still went only noticed I wasn't paying attention,nor cared and duffed me in the head with her Wilderness Planner when I started snoring.

Lord, make something happen please,soon so I am not forced to slit my wrists from boredom.

**15 Miuntes Later**

The hilarity continues.

Rosie suggested we sing songs to make the trip go faster, but with PANTS themes added.

But it's just the Ace Gang in the back singing them with added PANTS,so Slim actually thinks we're laughing because we're actually having fun, and she's none the wiser.

Which she's never been.

Wise I mean.

Anyways,we're adding PANTS to common camp songs, like that old favourite "Camptown PANTS 5 miles long,doodah,doodah" and "Home,home on the range, where the PANTS and the antelope play." and "He's got the whole world in his PANTS" and of course, Libby's favourite, "It's my BOTTY and I'l cry if I want to."

We did try to sing '99 Pairs of PANTS On The Wall" but Slim caught on that one.

**3 Minutes Later**

While trying to pick a new song, Jools elbowed me.

"Look,P. Green and Slim's fallen 's our chance."

**10 Minutes Later**

We had to wait till Jas was asleep,and then we 'borrowed' some midget gems and a rubber band from her, to build our slingshot.

**30 Seconds Laterer**

Excellent slingshot!

The midget gems fly through the air like fruity missles.

We're taking turns shooting them into and Slim's open mouths.

My aim isn't so good but Rosie is a crack ace Ace Gang shot.

She's gotten 25 in a row into P. Green's mouth.

"I bet you couldn't get 100 in a row."

"Want to bet?"

**10 Minutes Later**

She didn't get 100,but near as damnit,89 midget gems in, before swallowed in her sleep and started had to drink a whole thermos of water to get all 89 down and get ahold of herself properly (again,leave it).

And then Slim,woke up by the commotion,yelled at her for falling asleep while eating and eating on the bus.

I guess she really was eating midget gems,secretly stashed on her person,before she fell asleep.

**After About 100 Million Hours Of Madness Later**

We're there !

There was a mad rush to get off the bus.I think when P. Green drank that thermos of water,she sucked down a lot of air because she's been farting ever not small ones,but knee tremblers that makes Libby's smell like roses.

I think Jas was trampeled during the stampede to get off the bus,be cause she was the last one off and her fringe was all wonky.

But I didn't feel like pointing it out to because Slim was yelling "Settle girls,settle.' and clapping her hands,giving me the evil eye particularly.

"We have a busy day ahead of us,filled with various fun,farm-related activites,so you need to be on your best behaviour."

Again, the evils directed to me.

"You wiill be in sitations today that ,if you do not obey the rules and law of the farm,you WILL be severly injured,so keep your mind on the task at most of all-have fun, are going to be divided into groups of groups will be your partners,and you WILL be graded based on your performance today,so choose your partners wisely."

Then Farmer McDonald (no,really) came out and assigned the groups to different farm he came to our little group,he just stood there and looked at us for the longest time.

I thought it was because he was mesmerized by our beautosity, untill I realized Rosie still had her beard on.

**10a**

Assigned to round up gave us lassoes,which was our first mistake.

Rosie lassooed a pig but,instead of leading it to the pen,she sat on it's back like a horse,yelled "Giddyup!" and kicked it in the .

She got about 100 feet before she slipped off,but the hell of her boots got caught in the lasso round the pig.

She was dragged about 1/2 a mile,skirt over her head, before she got unstuck again.I think I cracked a rib,laughing so hard.

**10.30a**

Forced to swtich with another group,to muck out the bull pen.I'm glad the bulls aren't here.

Farmer McDonald says they're all getting castrated.

**11.45a**

If I ever get rich and famous and decide to own a farm, I am going to buy one that has a slef-mucking stall system put in.

Or not even have cows at all.

That would be easier.

**12.30p**

Great lunch of noodles and meat sauce.

As we finished Slim came over and said "Did you like your lunch,girls?"

I burped in reply.

Instead of getting mad,though,she merely smiled and said "I'm glad you enjoyed it,Miss Nicholson, beause the meat in the sauce was fresh from the cut,you might say."

What does she mean by that?

Did they just butcher the cow today or somth-OH. MY. GOD.

**2 Seconds Later **

I ate cow...balls?

ERGHHHHHLLACKKKKK!

There was a stampede for the water pump as the whole class ran to throw up.

Except for Jas,who served herself aother large ladlefull.

I looked at her. "You knew?"  
"What?"

"You knew ?"

"Yes.I told Tom about the trip, and he told me he went on the same trip when he was our tricked him the same way they did us."

"You knew and you're still eating them?"

"Yup, they're pretty good."

We all went erlack.

"You didn't think they were all that 'erlack' before you knew what they were stuffing your face with them."

"You-Tom-Balls.' I was speechless.

Jas raised her eyebrows into her stupid fringe.

Shut up,fringey.

She smiled,said '_Bon apetit' _and took a bite.

That was too much for my poor,weak stomach.

I think I'm going to be sick.

**15 Seconds Later**

No,even worse,I AM going to be sick...

**1p**

Sick all over myself AND Jas.

Farmer McDonald had to get a hose and literally hose us humiliating.

Jas would not SHUT UP, kept saying ludicrous things,things like "This is karma for wetting my shirt down in the first loos."

God, on and ON.

I said "I thought you prayed to Baby Jesus."

"Well,yes,so?"  
"Well, karma is a Buddhistese thingagism so if you don't pray to Buddha,you can't believe in Karma."

She just turned red and stalked off mumbling to herself.

Tee Hee.

**1.20p**

Rejoined Rosie,Ellen and were de-weeding the garden.

"Where's Jas?"  
"She went with Slim and P. Green to pick mushrooms and other edible funguses."

"P. Green would be good at knickers are probably full of them,from the state of them when we change in never washes them."

"Probably because she can't bend over fall enough to remove them." I told that to Jools.

Rosie looked up and said "Thanks,now I have THAT image dancing through my head" and threw a clod of dirt at me.

I threw it back at her.

"Remember the time Wet Lindsay was trying to put on her tights in the loos during Peter Pan rehearsels,and she put both feet down one leg,and fell into the sanitary towel dispenser?"

I pantomined being Lindsay, legs stuck down one leg of the tights,hopping around,crashing into things, and we all fell about laughing.

**1.30p**

Brilliant!

Rosie has come up with a new dance dedicated to the likes of P. Green and Wet Lindsay,in honorarium.

**30 Seconds Later**

Well,sort of.

**1 Minute Later**

OK, it's just pantomining how sad and wet they really are, but still,it's bloody funny.

This is how it goes,it goes:

pantomine pulling tights on left leg

pantomine pulling tights on right leg

knee bend (squat)

knee bend (squat)

snap legs together

hop hop  
butt shake butt shake

jump to the left, legs together

jump to the right,legs together

crash to the left

crash to the right

do th swim (for when P. Green fell into the shallow end of the pool and nearly drowned in 2 feet of water, WITH water wings on)

Then fall to the knees,shouting "Horn!"

I asked Rosie "What was the last bit, with the 'horn' for?"

"To mark it a real,certified dance by the Ace Gang!"

Oh,right,of COURSE it does!

**2p**

Was perfecting the dance when Slim came stalking over.

"What are you silly girls doing?"

"We're doing a rain dance,Miss,.We thought the plants looked wilted."

She twirled her moustache and said "Well,stop,you're making yourselves look 're leaving in 20 minutes so put the tools away ." and she turned back across the yard.

It's better to make yourself look stupid ,then to already look that way,like 'she' does.

**2.30p**

Before we loaded up we had to line up in front of the bus for a class the Ace Gang are the tallest, we're all in the back togetherRight before Farmer McDonald said "say cheese!" we donned our beards then whipped them off and hid them in our shirts ,hunching over as we loaded up onto the coach as to not be caught with them.


	5. Beard Money

**CHAPTER 4: BEARD MONEY**

**Thursday,September 23rd (Still)**

**4.30p**

I must have dozed off as son as I sat last thing I remember was was thinking "This is going to be along,boring ride back to town with Jas still miffed at me." and then next thing I know I woke up as we were pulling into the school parking lot.

**5p**

I am completely tuckered out, but if I go to bed now,I'll wake up early and have bags under my eyes tomorrow when I go on my date with Masimo.

**6p**

Put my headhones on and a nice,soothing face mask to reduce puffiness around my eyes.

**6.30pm**

Bloody hell!

I was half asleep,when Libby came tearing I mean that literally.

Some fule (my Dad,obviously) has gotten her a tricycle.

After alot of shouting (me) and biting (Libby) I gave up and went back downstairs to find Mum.

And I use that word (mum) loosely.

At any rate,she was in the kitchen opening a tin of beans.I sat down at the table to inspect my bite wounds.

"If anyone cares,Libby is about to ride her tricycle down the stairs."

Mum just went 'Mmm".

I waited for her to say more. During the silence I heard 'crash,crash' then a thump, and my cat,Angus,yowl his furry head off.

"Mum,Libby just rode her tricycle down the stairs."

"Will you see if she's all right dear,fanks."

How's that for parenting skills ?

When I went into the hall,Libby was sitting on the floor,forcing Angus into a pink tuttu.

I poked my head back into the kitchen "Everything's normal" (well as normal as things can be in this house).

She just went 'ok' and started eating the beans out of the tin with a spoon.

Erlack.

I'd rather starve than eat after her; who KNOWS where her mouth has been?

**5 Seconds Later**

I just had a mental mental image of where her mouth has been, that's so erlack-a-pongies that I dare not speak it.

Eewewewewewewew !

**15 Seconds Later**

Mum came through and looked at me.

"What?"

"Do I even want to know?"

"Not really."

"Oh,ok" She shrugged and went back to her beans.I went upstairs to my room.

**6.45p**

In my (Ok, Mum's) magazine it says it's always best to carry some extra change, in case of emergencies.

What kind of emergency will require change?

Masimo's scooter needs washing? Getting my knickers dirty?

As if that's going to happen.

**35 Seconds Later**

I better see how much money I have left in my bank book.

**6.50p**

Hmmmm,3.26 pounds, mostly in pennies.

**7p**

There's no choice, I have to go down and beg money from Mum.

Maybe she'll find it somewhere in her cold,black heart to give me a couple weeks' advance in allowance.

18 or 20 weeks advance,preferably.

Mum was in the loos trying to teach Libby how to er,wipe.

It was not a pretty Mum's tye-dye dungarees.

"Mum?" above all the screaming and biting.

"Now is NOT a good time,Gee." she said,not even turning around.

"When WILL it be a god time?"

She turned around and gave me evils. "If this has to do with money,then NEVER." and she turned back to Libby.

"What am I supposed to do,then?I have a hot date this weekend!"

"Try some yardwork."

"Yard work? You mean outside?"  
"You'll earn some extra pocket money and learn a bit about personal responsibilty at the same time."

"I'm responsible."

She laughed.

"I am ! I have to make my own tea,like, 363 days of the year."

"Gee, this is a little bit ,it'd be good for you to get out,'ll get tanned, get a good workout, and make money alll at the same time."

"Dad needs a work out,not me."

Dad,who was passing by at that moment, beer in one hand, bacon-and-mayonnaise sandwhich in the other said "Hey,I'm in shape, round is a shape too,you know." and he laughed and went off,shaking his hips singing some Elvis The Pelvis song.

He'll be in traction in an hour.

**7.15p,My Room**

Well,that plan didn't to call in for reinforcements.

**7.25p**

Rang the Ace Gang for an emergency meeting at mine.

I don't know about the others, but Roro always sems to have extra pocket money, and her parents are even more selfish with their money than mine.

And she always has extra beard money.

**7.56pm**

The girls are here!

While Mum and her portly partner chased Libby around, trying to get her PANTS back on,we ran to my room.

We collapsed on my bed, out of breath.

"I'm glad I'm an only child." Rosie said.

Ellen sat up."Could be little brother runs round in the nuddy-pants hanging bagels off his er,boy-y bit."

Jools saidd "Remind me to never eat brekkie at Ellen's" and we all laughed like mad.

**9p,Bed**

Dad made the girls leave early as it's a 'school night'.

He says the noise of us talking kept us awake,but I know really he was watching "The English Patient.".Mum fancies Colin Firth.

I think,secretly,he does too.

But it's just as well Vati made them leave..The meeting didn't help a foot or leg.

Rosie says she helps Sven at the restraunt,clearing tables and doing the washing-up for extra beard money.

I asked her "Don't they mind that he is so..well,Sveny?"

And Rosie laughed and said "Nope, there's a law where you can't not employ someone even if theyre,say,from Hamburger-a-go-go Land or cannibals, or wear false beards and do the viking horn dance in the middle of 's called Fair Employmernt.

Which doesn't help me one fig,whatever a fig is.

I think it's some sort of fruit.

But at any rate,Jools,Ellen and Rosie thought the yard work was a good idea,so they're going to ask round for me.


	6. Dr Laugh

I own nothing you see here...except the plot.

Please R&R !

**CHAPPY 5: DR. LAUGH**

**Friday,September 24th**

**7.45a**

Jas was at her gate,waiting for me as usual.

Huh.

I thought she wasn't talking to me.

"I thought you weren't talking to me."

"When did I say that?"

"Yesterday,after I got sick on you, you said 'I'm never going to talk to you again."

"Oh."

We walked on in silence except for a wet,slurpy sound.

I looked over at Jas.

She was chewing her fringe.

"Jas?"

Slurp,slurp "Yea?"

"STOP IT!"

"Fine, God,what'sa up your arse?" but she stopped sucking her hair.

"Jools told me about your new interest in a healthy lifestyle."

Thank-you,Jools.

"So?"  
"So I've called round and I've got 3 people interested."

I gave her a big hug. "Thank you 're my bestie pal and I love you!"

Jas pushed me ears were red around the tips,but that's hee.

"Don't start that again."

I grinned and put arm round her shoulder but took it off when Foxwood boys looked round and elbowed each other,stupid grins on thjeir face.

I don't care though,I am SO happy !I've got a job,mounds of extra pocket money practically ialready in my pocket,and an Italian snogboat as my plaything !

NOTHING can ruin my good mood, not even Wet Lindsay standing guard at the gate like a seeing-eye Nazi.

She couldn't find anything wrong with what Jas and I were doing,so she settled on glaring at us as as we walked through.

I called back to her "Your face will get stuck that way."

Jas said "It would be an improvement." and of the corner of ny eye I could see Lindsay's face getting red.

I whispered to Jas "Play along" then I said loud enough for Lindsay tp 'happen' to overhear "I am so excited about my HOT DATE with Masimo this weekend!"

Jas said "What movie are you going to?" only she said it like a robot.

I could kill her.

Instead, I said"Oh, you know how Masimo is. He can't get enough of me.I don't think we'll see much of the movie." and we both laughed.

Lindsay was red-faced by now, but took it out on some first formers playing tig,shouting at them to hurry up.

**15 Seconds Later**

Slim caught Lindsay shouting at the ginger titches and assigned her to coat duty for a week!

Brilliant!

**Assembly**

As Jas and I were in the coatroom, I gave Lindsay my coat saying "Take care of this will you?Thanks ,you're a doll."

Then I flipped her a penny "Here, buy yourself something pretty."

As we left the coat room I whispered "Like a new face." and we got 2 misconduct points for giggling.

**Break**

Somehow, probably via Radio Jas, it got out what I said about Lindsay buying a pretty face ,and now everywhere I go, I've got the ginger titches that used to stalk Dave following me around.

As we settled down with our cheesy snacks I said "I forgot my fizzy drink" slapping my forehead in what was,I think,a great display of my theatrical prowess.

And it worked too becasue one of the titches jumped up "I'll get it for you,Miss" and ran off.

I stretched and leaned back against the wall "So this is what it's like to be adored by all."

Jas scoffed and I said "Oh, you're just jealous."

The bell rang and we gathered our things.

Jas denies it but I know she is jealous of my beautosity and wisdomosity and wittinessnosity.

She said as we walked down the hall "In light of your new self-improvement plan are you going to start studying ?"  
I almost said "What self-improvemnt plan?" untill I remembered what Jools had told her.

"I don't think becoming a swot is going to bring improvement for my,er,self."

"You will be smarter and get better grades."

"So?"  
"So you won't put down that the fertile crescent is a bread pregnant women eat in France, and flunk history."

I can't believed she remembered was ages ago, 4 months ago to be 's not my fault Angus ate my homework.

I said "It's not my fault Angus ate my homework.' and she just if I was makin it up.

She's been to my house,she KNOWS how bonkers my cat is. She's got the scars to prove it. 

**R.E. **

No one can stop laughing.

Miss Wilson was telling us about these,describing Alexander the Great's fasces, she kept caling it the servants who carry it round for them, because they're much to important to be carrying aorund dirty old axe in the first place,were called 'lictors'.

She couldn't understand why we were helpless with laughter untill Jas, being the teachers' bum-holey kisser she is, told her.

Any ways,it's a bunch of sticks tied round an ax that emperors and consuls and so forth in Rome used to carry round to show everyone how important thet are, and if anyone said likewise,they'd choop off their ears with it.

Bloody funny.

**2 Minutes Later**

Masimo probably wouldn't think so.

This is probably what Robbie meant by me being so young.

**1 Minute Later**

I wonder why I just thought of Robbie? 

**Drama/'English'**

We've been let out to the gym from practicing for Rom and god.

I don't think anyone but Jas knows they're lines through.

Jas still won't tell us who's playing the part as Romeo.

Anyways,to release our tension from having to learn lines for Rom and Jul, Miss Wilson thought it would be 'fun' to teach us the words to a song by Manuel de Falla called 'The Three-Cornered Hat",only she's teaching it to us in Spanish.

Which she doesn't speak so she keeps having to run off and look in her Spanish-English dictionary.

Why can't everyone just make things easier by everyone speaking English?

**5 Minutes Later**

Hat in Spanish is sombrero.

Kill me now.

Please.

**3p,Last Bell**

Free! Free at last !

We linked arms to skip down the street but Jas stopped suddenly,dragging us almost onto our bums.

"What's wrong Jas,do you have to piddle?" I asked because she was hopping from foot to foot,going "Oh My God,Oh My God."

She pointed and at first I looked at her finger. I thought she had cut it from so much gel in her fringe, but then I realized what she was pointing at -the boys were at the gate!

As Ellen and I had the forthought to do our makeup during R.E., we made a barrier, and stood there chatting and doing hiar-flicky and smiling the rest squatted down and did emergency makeup work.

After they finished they popped up lke herrings in a toaster and we linked our arms and crossed over to the boys doing hip-hip-flicky, which is vair hard to do,linked up.

Tom kissed Jas on the cheek and she went all dithery and dim, but she was by far out-dithered by Jools who nearly fainted when Rollo kissed her on the hand.

Sve swept Rosie off her feet into his arms, and sayed "Shall we go? I have got my hand in my bird's bush!" which set us all into a mad laugihng fit.

As we stood there laughing I noticed Dave kept looking at me.

"What?Do I have something in my teeth?"

"Hm,let me see." and he bent forward to lok forward into my mouth.

He stood there,peering in .

After about 5 minutes of him "Hmmm"ing I said "What?" trying not to drool, which is very hard if your standing there with your mouth open for a long time.

He leaned in "You have a -here" and he tickled me!

I jumped away,spluttering but he chased after me, yelling such things like "Open wide,Dr Laugh has got to give you a PANTS exam!" and "Floss between your PANTS every day!"

Bloody mad.

**15 Seconds Later**

But vair funny.

**4p,The Park**

Dave caught up to me at the swings and we sat down and started doing tandem know, I swing then he swings.

We swung (swang? Swinged?) like that,slowly at first but then sped up so we were higher then the bar the swings are hung on.

**2 Minutes Later**

I can see the whole park from here!

I think I can see Jas and Tom in the treeline.

Porbably collecting mud or something equally as sad.

**3 Minutes Later**

If I can see them,they can see me.I wonder if I waved long enough, I'd get their attenion?

**5 Minutes Later**

Christ on a bike, I'm wearing my shortest black skirt!

**2 Minutes Later**

Owowow.

I dragged my feet through the gravel to stop, but all I did was get shoes full of rocks and blisters on my heels.

Lovely.

Dave hopped off his swing and came over.

"Is something wrong,Kitkat?"

"No,I'm just tired."

I put my shoe on and stood put his arm out for me to hold on to for support,aww.

He's so nice.

Sometimes.

We walked that way, arm-in-arm through the park.

It was hard going, especially with me having to hobble along without any shoes on.

"Are you OK?"  
"Sure, fine, great."

He just looked at me.

"Im alright,matey."

He laughed "Matey? Arrrrrrr we a pirate,then? Where's your wooden leg?"

I shoved him,not hard but he stumbled and fell over a wall.

Ha.

**50 Seconds Later**

Where did he go?

I keep waiting and waiting and still he's not popped back up (oo-er!).

**15 Seconds Later**

Hmmmmm...still no Dave...

Maybe I should just go home,then.

**2 Minutes Later**

I turned round to hobble home, and Dave was standing behind me,quietly the whole time!

I shrieked and had a miny is hard to do on one good foot without falling over,which I did.

Dave grabbed me so I'd not fall completely over,but I think I had too many cheesy snacks today or maybe it's from lugging my ginormous basoomas any rate,I was too much for him and I fell anyways,pulling him on top of me.

Our faces were about 1/2 a centimeter apart.I could feel my lips puckering up on their before they could go off and do anything Dave got up."Well, this has been fun,but I've got things to go,places to see,people to you later." and he walked off.

Leaving me here.

In the middle of the street.

**5.45p**

When I finally got in, Mum was waiting at the door for me.

Now what have I done?

"Georgia, where have you been?You've got 3 calls ,about your yardwork business!"

Oh,bum,I completely forgot !

**8.45p**

Finally in bed.

I'm only just home.

I don't see how I am going to make it out of my room tomorrow .

I am sore all over.I can literally feel the blood moving through my veins and it hurts like billio.

I tried to get out of working.I even tried cramps but Mum saw through my act and forced me out.

Raking leaves wasn't too bad, but it was the mowing the grass,moving rocks,trimming garden hedges,re-painting a gate,digging a hole for an artificial well and transplanting roses which turned out to be fake that hurt my arms.

And my back.

And my feet.

And my legs.

And my butt.

And..well,every other bit of me body.

**9p**

I did make 10.45, and with my 3.26,that's 13.71 which is more than enough to pay for snacksies at the movie,and maybe even a cuppa at Costo Rico's after.


	7. Embarrassed Raccoon

**CHAPTER 6: EMBARRASSED RACCOON**

**Saturday,September 25th**

**7am**

Woke to Libby running in,her knickers on her head,singing "Figaro figaro, fiiigaro!" on the top of her shrilly voice, then Mum pulling the blinds back from the window.

I put my pillow over my head but Mum took it away and tossed it across the room.

"Get up,Gee,you have work to do.5 people have rung ,looking for you."

"Tell them I'm dead."

"No,Gee, you made a said you'd do their yards for them,so you is all part of growing up."

I sat up and swung my legs off my bed."Fine,I'll tell them I'm dead."

Mum tossed a pair of jeans and an old worn-out t-shirt to me.

"Get dressed and downstairs 're waiting on YOU." and she went out.

I threw my shoe at her but only after she'd gone out and closed my bedroom door behind her.

Gah, who ever invented mornings must DIE.

**7.25a**

Brrrrrr,cold as brass out.

Thank the gods I put on an extra bra for nip-nip emergence protection.

Mum was talking about me being responsible,and yet I had to make my own coffee and poptarts.

It's a wonder I lived past 2 years old.

**7p**

Today was about a million times worser-er than yesterday.

I made,overall, 36.56 but I had forgot my lunch,tea AND dinner cheezy whatsits, so I had to pop into town twice to eat, rather than be lectured at at home again, and then the second time,when I was walking back to work some more, I saw a new pair of thigh-high boots with 3" heels that were calling my name, and now I only have 50p left for snacks .

**7.30p,My Room**

And it just keeps getting worse.

Libby gave makeovers to all her toys, even Eddie, the edam in a scarf (that actually looks quite a bit like Uncle Eddie, but minus the codpiece).

I have no foundation,lippy OR mascara left.

I may have to kill her.

**15 Minutes Later**

But that won't solve my dilemma.

**8p,Bed**

Rang the Ace Gang to all come over with their emergency makeup supplies to help me get ready for my Big Date,in exchange that they borrow my new bots for their dates.

Well,from time to time.

We all wear the same shoe size except for Rosie,who's two sizes larger.

I tried telling her, I said 'But you have bigger feet than I do."

"So? You wore shoes two sizes small for you out clubbing and you did OK."

I couldn't help but remember having to get the shoes literally cut off my feet and the aggers I endured for nearly a week after.

I said to Rosie "I don't think you can." but she had already rung off.

I tried to tell Jas about Rosie wanting to do what I did,vis-a-vis wear shoes too small for her,but Jas selfishly wanted to talk about her "feelings.".

I put the phone down and did yoga stretches and when I picked up the reciever again,she was still rambling.

Jas says David Fairchild is her new hero. I said "So you want to be just like him?"  
"Yes exactly."

"So does that mean you're going to wear khaki shorts and welligogs, and say 'hmm' alot and never comb your hair?" and Jas got mad at me. Huh.

After 20 more minutes of saying "a-huh" and "yeah,that sounds great." she finally shut up long enough for me to tell her to come round to mine before 6p tomorrow with all her makeup, and then I slammed the phone down before she could say anything more.

**9p**

It amazes me.I can be full of confusedosity and general pooiness and still make time to cleanse,tone and put on a nice refreshing face mask.

**Sunday,September 26th**

**8a**

Up at dawn(ish) like an face felt all stiff and hard, and I had a nervy b. untill I remembered putting on that face mask last night.

I fell asleep without washing it off.

**8.15a**

Oh ye Gods,I washed the facemask off ,but becasue I left it on so long it gave me a rash.I look like an embarrassed racoon.

**9a**

Steamed and scrubbed my face with one of Mum's looftah's which helped a lot.

Now it looks like I've got a faint I bet foundation and concelaer will cover that up,evenly.

Now for some nourishment.

**9.15a,The Couch**

I tried to go down the stairs to find a bit of mouldy bread for my breakfast, but my legs seized up and I fell down them instead.

Mum and Dad kept steady on,snoring, but Libby woke up long enough to come out of their room and yell down the stairs "Shut up that damn noise!" before she went back to sleep again.

I had to literally drag myself to the couch.

How am I going to go out on a date tonight if my legs aren't working properly?

**10.30a**

Fell asleep and woke up to Angus nibbling my toes.

And when I saw nibble,I mean he bites each seperate toe as hard as he can,and keeps doing it untill we feed him or let him out to torture the neighbor's prat poodles.

I limped the kitchen to let him out, but he trailed after me,slunk low to the ground.

If he has one of his call of the wild moments I am in big,big legs are a bit better, just wobbly, so I won't be able to outrun him.

**11a**

Found a tin of sardines for Angus,to amuse him long enough for me to escape to my room and catch up on my beauty sleep.

**12p**

Fat I mean that literally.

The 'Lads' from the Water Board have arrived.I forgot Dad invited them over to watch the rugby match today,which means alot of farting.

Hopefully,though, no one will set fire to them last time.

The curtains smoked for 3 days after Dad's last party.

**12.10p**

Sure enough,Dad came pounding on my door demanding I come downstairs and polite to 'our' guests.

**12.15p**

Good Lord,it's a nightmare of beards and hawaiian shirts.

"I thought the game didn't start till 2p."

"Yes, but we have the teams' season reviews the game, then the after-party."

That was what I was afraid of.

"So you'll be home all day?"

Dad said to his mates "See,she loves her Dad so much she's tearing up at the thought I can spend all day here today!"

The Lads all went "Awww" ,and then Dad yelled "Now go away!" and they all laughed and slapped hands.

Good Lord Sandra,I hope that's not genetic.

I wandered into the kitchen .

Mum was putting crisps in a bowl and humming.

I couldn't help but notice she was wearing MY skirt.

"Mum, may I go to Jas'?"

"This early in the day?"

Yes,er, I have a ton of blodge work to do and I'm afraid that I'll be distracted by the party downstairs to get it done properly. and then I'll never be top girl and move out ."

Mum just looked at me."Pull the other one,Gee."

I sighed. " friends are coming over in a few hours and i don't want them being exposed to 'the Lads'."

"You're 15,Georgia,you don't know what you want.

She handed me a bowl of crisps "Now be a good girl and take this to your Dad."

I handed to bowl to Dad."Thank you,waiter."

"Now where's my tip?"  
"I'll give you a tip, get out of front of the tv before I have to smack you." I moved.

I heard the doorbell ring and Mum say "get that Gee,will you?" but ignored her but one of Dad's mates heard her and said "Yeah,get that,baby" and he actually SLAPPED my BUTT !

I was in so much shock I actually went and was at the front door before I realized what I was had gotten there before me,though, and was talking to some bloke, probably more of the Vati's beardy (pri)mates.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Noah,and what id your name?"  
"Libby"

"That is a beautiful name."

Libby smiled her scary smile, when she sticks her teeth out.

"Where's your ark?"

I came out of the kitchen .Noah was had big blue eyes and long dark eyelashes,like Dave's even looked a bit like Dave, but he must have been about 36.

"She means like Noah,in the Bible."

He looked up and ,he's got a gorgey smile.I think I smiled back,but I'm not really sure.

He did say to Libby "Well,I l left it at home,Miss Libby because my Robin gets better the animals are in the boot,Want to come see?" and he winked at me.

oh dear God, he's one of THEM. And he looked so,wel,NORMAL. I guess it's true when they (whoever 'they' are) say 'Never trust a boot by it's cover'.

Libby smiled though and took his hand "Yes,pweese." and Noah tok her,fairy costume and all,out to his so-called car with me trailing stupidly behind.

He led us round to the back, and as he opened the boot and leaned in to rummage around,Libby got a mad look in her eye,as if she was going to slam the boot lid on Noah,but just as she moved to he popped back up with a box under his arm and slammed the boot shut.

He said to Libbty "C'mon back in,it looks like your sister is cold", and winked at a winking...thing.

Libby grabbed his hand "Come on mister man" and she ran into the house, nearly pullings his arm off with my running behind, like a sped-up Loon I suspect the neighbors,if they saw us,thought we were.

When we got into the living room, Libby grabbed the box.I tried to take it back,but Libby growled at me and I know better than to make her 's got a nastier bite that Angus has got.

I smiled apologetically at Noah. "I'm Georgia by the way."

"I'm Noah, but you can call me Nat." and he shook my hand very adult-like and smiled at me.I could feel my red bottom rising and was about to take the hindmsot and snog him, but then Mum came out with my skirt rolled to leave very little left to the imagination.

She took his arm and said "ooh, there you are!' and led him off,leaving me beyond confused and full of stupid-brain still.I didn't shake out of it untill Libby started hitting me with the box and yelling "Open !Now!"

**3p**

I only escaped from Libby when she got cross I used the same accent for two chickens and she ''sacked' me.

I only have...Ye Gods,4 hours untill my date !

**3.30p**

Was in the loos shaving my legs when Grandad burst in "The fun has arrived !"

I screamed and covered my self with a towel .

"Oh, don't be such a party pooper." and he crashed off downstairs.

**4pm**

Finished my legs all smoothy-smooth and went to find Mum.

She was sitting in the kitchen,in a plaid veil.

"Maisie is here too,then?"

"I sent them to find you."

"Grandad burst in on me in the loo!"

She actually TUTTED "Don't be such a prude."

"I wish you entire left nunga-nunga is practically exposed."

And she just tutted at me. Me ! I stomped back upstairs to finish preeparing for my date.

Maybe I was I'm the last living Fairfax in the country and no one told me.

It could happen.


End file.
